If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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