i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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