I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
