So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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