She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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