if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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