I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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