You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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