I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
