you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
