She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
