Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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