you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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