plz talk dirty to me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I want her autograph on my taint
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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