I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How many fucks given?
0.12846
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
