Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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