i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
