I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
