I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
