how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
