i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
