WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
