How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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