I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
