Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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