Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
