just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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