I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
