My friends, they love my intelligence
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
