Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
