Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
