..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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