if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
