Duck Duck Cougar?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
