this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
