Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
