She is in my trunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
