Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
