What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
