oh god the rape fog is back!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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