I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
