ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
