This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
