i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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