i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
