So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
