Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
