I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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