I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
