So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
