Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
