There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
